Over commitment

One thing i know i'm very talented at is over-committing.

I'm auditioning for a choir.

Rehearsals are from 7-10pm once a week and I'll need to go straight from work. That, on top of dance (which takes up my Thursday nights), teaching violin and piano and working full time in a fairly intense job will mean that I will go from having very little downtime to just about no downtime.

Why do I keep doing so many things?

I feel compelled.

I've just gone for a whole year without being in a choir and while I relished the free time, I missed it! I need to sing in a group and I've been on a constant search for a choir I feel happy singing in for the last 5 years. I hope this one is "the one".

Music - instruments, singing and dancing - draws me in. I have to do these things - it makes me feel in touch with...

...well, I'm not sure. Something. Some sort of connection. I love that feeling of being surrounded by music so that it's inside me, all around me - and the intimacy of getting to know a work while learning it in a group is like falling in love. To the point where there's grief after a concert because it'll never be same again - the piece is over. The wonderful work coming out of everyone and swirling around like harmonious magic.

I know, I sound like a weirdo arty lunatic.

It's weird that I love music so much but don't want it as a career. Even though I know i'm a good piano/violin teacher and would probably be able to run my own little music school. Also, teaching is one thing, doing it is another - teaching wouldn't be enough for me and it would drive me nuts. But I think having to work so damn hard to make music a career would take the joy out of it.

Besides, I'm not *that* talented!